Barmy Army Songbook

Stanford
Songbook

Dreadlock Holiday

(To the tune of Dreadlock holiday to be sung by KP)

I was walkin' down the street
Concentratin' on struttin' right
Heard a loud voice beside of me
And I looked round in a state of fright
I saw a Texan, quite mad
A billionare oh brother
He looked me up and down a bit
We turned to each other

I say
I don't like Twenty20 oh no
I love it
I don't like Twenty20 no no
I love it
When you walk thru my ground
You got to show some respect
When you walk thru my ground
I ain't chatted to your wife yet

He asked me if I'd like to play a game
For twenty million dollar
I said You've got to be jokin' man
Can I bring along the others?
He said I got, my own ground
It's just near where the aircraft lands
But when you agree, you'll soon see
You'd better understand that you're alone A long way from home

And I say
I don't like reggae no no
I love it
I don't like reggae oh no
I love it
Don't you cramp Stanford's style
Don't you queer on his pitch
He's just one of those nerds
Who doesnʼt like real cricket yet

I hurried back to the dressing room
But the players were all over
They said we donʼt really want to stay
This thing is nonsense, moreover
Just because he's got, his own ground
Test cricket is the best
And if he tries it he'll like it
No more of this Dreadlock Holiday

And I say
Don't like Anitgua oh no
I love her
Don't like Antigua oh no
I love her oh yea
Donʼt you flirt with our birds
You got to show some respect
Just shut up with your words
Because we might not come back yet

I don't like Twenty20
I love it (Dreadlock Holiday)
I don't like reggae
I love it (Dreadlock Holiday)
Don't like Antigua
I love her (Dreadlock Holiday)

Hey Big Spender

(To the tune of Big Spender)

The minute you flew into Lord's
I could see you were a man with a mission
A real big spender
'Tache bristling, not refined
The wags are beginning to see what's going on in your mind
So let me get right to the point
We don't want your sort, it's still our game you see?
Hey big spender
Spend... your dosh on baseball, not with me

The minute she sat on his lap
I could see a certain Texan swelling
Around midwicket
All the Players, got the hump
She was only supposed to sit on his knee, not his middle stump.
So then he got right to the point:
"All this money, it's for just one thing, that's me!"
Hey big spender
Hey big spender
Hey big spender
Spend... your dosh on baseball, not with me

Opportunities

(To the tune of Opportunities)

I've got the ground, you've got some players
Let's make lots of money
They've got the WAGs, to sit on my knee
Let's make lots of money

We've had enough of Stanford, he really is a berk
And his Twennytwenny game that really doesn't work
Even the players hate it though it might just make them rich
And the floodlights are too low and there's a dodgy pitch

I've got the ground, you've got some players
Let's make lots of money
They've got the WAGs, to sit on my knee
Let's make lots of money

Oh, there's a lot of opportunities
If you can get the ball off the square, you know?
There's a lot of opportunities
If you win it could change your life
Could change your life

Stanford the businessman

(To the tune of Popeye the Sailor Man)

I'm Stanford the businessman
Not even a cricket fan
But if there's a WAG
It's like a red rag
To Stanford the businessman

Too much cash

(To the tune of Da Do Ron Ron)

My name is Allen Stanford I'm a billionaire
Too much cash cash, too much cash
I flirt with player's wives and I twirl their hair
Too much cash cash, too much cash

Oh I like it over quick
Oh I make the real fans sick
Oh I've got a stupid tache
Too much cash cash, too much cash

OR

My name is Allen Stanford and I think I'm God
No , No , Allen, No, No, No
Twenty million dollars and I'll rule the world
No, No , Allen , No , No , No

Oh your lights are crap
Oh the Wags hate your lap
Oh you're just a total farce
No, No, Allen No, No, No !!

Twen-ty, Twen-ty

(To the tune of New York, New York)

Start speading the news, Stanford's here today
He wants to be a part of it, Twen-ty, Twen-ty
These five day tests, are too long to stay
One day matches aren't good enough, Twen-ty, Twen-ty

I wanna have a series that takes no skill
And find I'm king of the hill, top of pops

These small-fairly-warm-climated-islands-that-used-to-dominate-cricket
Have melted away
I'll make a brand new start for them in Twen-ty, Twen-ty
If I can make it here, I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you Windies, Eng-land

Who's that creeping round the showers?

Who's that creeping round the showers?
Who's that coming though the door?

Well it's Stanford and his cash
And he's looking pretty flash
But he can't touch the player's wife's no more.