Barmy Army Songbook

Wellington Solos
Songbook

Ally Cook had a farm (Ali Cook)

To the tune of Old MacDonald

Ally Cook had a farm EIEIO
And on that farm he made some runs EIEIO
With a cover drive here and a pull shot there
Here a 4 there a 4, everywhere a 4,4

Ally Cook had a farm EIEIO
And on that farm he had some coins EIEIO
With a loss toss here and a lost toss there
Lost tosses everywhere

Ally Cook had a farm EIEIO
And on the farm he had some Kiwis EIEIO
With an Oracle here and a whiteboard there
Waganernanananana… wagananananana… it's just you and me, and Rutherford

Ally Cook had a farm EIEIO
And on that farm he had some Ashes EIEIO
With an Ashes win here and an Ashes win there
No presentations anywhere

Ally Cook had a farm EIEIO
And on that farm he had NO ducks!

Brendan McCullum

To the tune of Madness My Girl

Ross Taylor's mad at me
I didn't even want the captaincy
It really wasn't me
The other players had had enough of him
Why can't he see
The coach just loves me
But I would rather be off, earning loads of dosh, in the IPL...
 
Ross Taylor's mad at me
He tries to tell me how to place the field
I thought he understood
I just play by instinct and with a heavy bit of wood
Why can't I explain
I have no cricket brain
Cos everything he says, I cannot understand, I don't know what he means when he says don't review...
 
Ross Taylor's mad at me

Graham Onions

To the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody

Is this the end now
Is this just fantasy
Will you get in England side
Or just do twelfth man duty
So many highs
You bowl so few byes I see
You're just a Geordie boy, you need no sympathy
We saw you come, then you go
Bouncers high, yorkers low
Anyway the ball pitches doesn't really matter to me, to me
 
Onions, will you bowl again,
Newcastle born and bred
Is your Test career dead?
Onions, it had only just begun
But then your injury just threw it all away
Onions, ooh,
You made South Africa cry
A tailender that could bat until tomorrow
Batting on, batting on, as if nothing really matters.

Too late if your time has come
You sent shivers down my spine
Your body's was aching all the time
Goodbye Graham Onions, if you've got to go
If you leave us all behind we'll face the truth
Onions, ooh
I wanna see you fly
I sometimes think I never saw you play at all

I see a little drinks carrying man
Graham O Graham O, will you bowl again for England?
Bowling fast as lightning
Very, very frightening pace
Graham O
Graham O
Graham O, such a pro
Magnifico
 
I'm just a bowler, the Barmy Army loves me
He's just a bowler from the England cricket team
Spare him a place in the next first XI
Graham O, Graham O, don't ever really go
Andy Flower! No, Please don't let him go
(Let him go!) Andy Flower! Please don't let him go.
(Let him go!) Andy Flower! Please don't let him go.
(Let him go!) Please don't let him go.
(Let him go!) Please don't let him go.
(Let him go!) Ah.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
(Oh, Andy Flower, Andy Flower) Andy Flower don't let him go
Although if you do Chris Tremlett is put aside for me, for me
 
So you think you can bat against Onions and put bat to ball
So you think you can bat against Onions at all
Oh New Zealand, you can't bat against Onions
You're just going to get out, just going to get bowled out of here
 
Onions really matters,
Anyone can see
Onions really matters
Onions really matters to me
 
Any way Graham O bowls...

He's Bairstow, watch him go (Johnny Bairstow)

To the tune of Ob-la-di Ob-la-da

Yorkshire boy with ginger hair and pretty face
Bairstow hit the balls right out the ground
Reputation building at a growing pace
A future England star has been found
 
He's Bairstow, watch him go, taking catches
Even when he is 12th man
Bats at 6 - n like his dad he keeps wicket
Jonny Bairstow we're your fans
 
His debut ODI was in India
Hit 41 to help us win the game
Smashing 6's round the ground with no fear
The whole world now knew Bairstows name
 
He's Bairstow, watch him go, taking catches
Even when he is 12th man
Bats at 6 - n like his dad he keeps wicket
Jonny Bairstow we're your fans

How much is that batsman Ian Bell worth (Ian Bell)

To the tune of How much is that Doggie in the Window

How much is that batsman Ian Bell worth,
The one with the strawberry blonde hair.
How much is that batsman Ian Bell worth,
The one with the talent and flair.

How much is that batsman Ian Bell worth,
the one with the 5 on his back,
How much is that batsman Ian Bell worth,
the one who got Ponting the sack!!

How much is that batsman Ian Bell worth,
the best I have seen for a while,
How much is that batsman Ian Bell worth,
he makes all my travelling worthwhile!!

Jimmy, Jimmy give us a wicket or 2 (Jimmy Anderson)

To the tune of Daisy, Daisy

Jimmy, Jimmy give us a wicket or 2
We're half crazy to make a breakthrough
He swings it to the left
He swings it to the right
So flex those guns and stop those runs
Give the batsman an early night

Ladies of the Court of King Caractacus

VERSE 1
Well...the
Players of the
Famous England Cricket team... ....
were just passing by....
(reprise x4)

VERSE 2
Well...the
Girls who put the
Sunblock on the Noses of the
Faces of the Players of the
Famous England Cricket team... ....
were just passing by (reprise x4)

VERSE 3
Well...the
Legendary barmy
Army who love Singing songs and
Drinking but would
Rather take the
Places of the
Girls who put the
Sunblock on the
Noses of the
Faces of the
Players of the
Famous England Cricket team... ....
were just passing by (reprise x4)

FINALE
Well...
if you
Want to take some
Pictures of the
Legendary barmy
Army who love Singing songs and
Drinking but would
Rather take the
Places of the
Girls who put the
Sunblock on the
Noses of the
Faces of the
Players of the
Famous England Cricket team... ....
You're too late (so will have to look at Sara TB's instead)...
because they've
Just
Passed
By!!!

Monty Panesar has 6 balls

To the tune of Father Abraham had seven sons

Monty Panesar has 6 balls
six balls has Monty Panesar
and they always spin and  they always turn
and he dances like your dad.

Monty Panesar has 5 balls
5 balls has Monty Panesar
and they always spin and they always turn
and he dances like your dad.

Monty Panesar has 4 balls
4 balls has Monty Panesar
and they always spin and they always turn and
he dances like your dad.

Monty Panesar has 3 balls
3 balls has Monty Panesar
and they always spin and they always turn and
he dances like your dad. 

Monty Panesar has 2 balls
2 balls has Monty Panesar
and they always spin and they always turn and
he dances like your dad.

Monty Panesar has 1 ball
1 ball has Monty Panesar
and they always spin and they always turn and
he dances like your dad.

Monty Wonderball (Monty Panesar)

To the tune of Wonderwall

Today is gonna be the day that I'm gonna sing a song for you
by now you should have somehow realised what I'm here to do
I don't believe that anybody bowls the way you do,  Monty now.
And all the balls you have to bowl are turning
and all the time the wicket count is rising,
there are many things that i would like to sing to you but I don't know how.
Cos Monty you're gonna be the one that saves me
and after all you've got a wonderball

Nick Compton

To the tune of Uptown Girl

Nick Compton
He's our opener for England
Made his debut in India
And his Grandad is a cricketer, for England

And it's Nick Compton
Hits 4's and 6's to the boundary
On his way to a century
He's a favourite of the Barmy Army
Our Nick Compton

And when he's batting, his shots are sublime
And when he's modelling, his look s are so fine
His Dad's his biggest fan, that's because Nick's the man

Nick Compton
He's our opener for England
Made his debut in India
And his grandad is a cricketer, for England

And it's Nick Compton

Oh hit out Matty (Matt Prior)

To the tune of Bad Manners Lip-Up fatty

Oh hit out Matty
Oh hit out Matty, Matty Prior
Oh hit out Matty
Oh hit out Matty, Matty Prior
Scores runs on the leg-side
Scores runs on the off
Scored a little hundred to see the Aussies off
Oh hit out Matty
Oh hit out Matty Prior

oh super Kevin Pietersen (KP)

To the tune of Ob la di Ob la da

KP's in the team as number 4
Jessica is a singer in a band
KP played for Delhi in the IPL, and can switch hit the ball for 6 or 4
Pietersen, Pietersen, Pietersen - oh super Kevin Pietersen
Pietersen, Pietersen, Pietersen - oh super Kevin Pietersen

KP took the place of super Graham Thorpe, back to back fifties on debut
KP scored the ton to win the urn and smashed it up with Fredie on the bus
Pietersen, Pietersen, Pietersen - oh super Kevin Pietersen
Pietersen, Pietersen, Pietersen - oh super Kevin Pietersen

Stuart Broad is our Bowling Lord (Stuart Broad)

To the tune of Postman Pat

Stuart Broad, Stuart Broad, Stuart Broad
Is our bowling lord
Early in the morning when the day is dawning
Broad prepares to be our wicket man
Stuart Broad, Stuart Broad, Stuart Broad
and his massive pork sword

Early in the test match, bowling at the best bats
Everybody knows his bright blond hair
All the girls will smile as he starts his run up,
maybe, you can never be sure, there be whoosh, smash, bails on the floor
Stuart Broad, Stuart Broad, Stuart Broad
and his massive pork sword

Early in the test match, bowling at the best bats
Broady I'm your biggest bowling fan

Trent Boult

to Middle of the Road Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep

Last week I saw you drinking down the Brew bar
Oooooee Trenty Trenty Boult Boult
Told me his hands were very moisturised
Ooooee girly girly Boult Boult, girly girly Trent Trent Boult

Where's your wickets gone,
Where's your wickets gone
Where's your wickets gone,
Where's your wickets gone
Where's your wickets gone,
Where's your wickets gone

Far far away
Far far away

We've got James Tredwell my friends (James Tredwell)

To the tune of We are the Champions

We've got James Tredwell my friends
He'll keep on bowling from one end
We've got James Tredwell
We've got James Tredwell
No Space for Swanny
Cos we've got James Tredwell from one end