(to the tune of Only Fools and Horses)

Stick your passport in your pocket
And your kitbag in the van
Cos if you want the Ashes
And you don’t mind Saffers
Then brother, he’s your man

Cos where he comes from is no mystery
But he’s gonna lead us home to an Ashes victory
A song for him was driving us berserk
But then we thought that Jonny Trotter works
La-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la-la-la